


I Hate You, I Love You

by Insane_Fanfic_Malfoy



Series: The Bellucius Legacy [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Backstory, F/M, Hate to Love, Heartbreak, Love/Hate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-06-03 13:58:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6613303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Insane_Fanfic_Malfoy/pseuds/Insane_Fanfic_Malfoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I hate you, I love you,<br/>I hate that I love you<br/>Don't want to, but I can't put<br/>Nobody else above you<br/>I hate you,  I love you<br/>I hate that I want you<br/>You want her, you need her<br/>And I'll never be her</p><p>Bellatrix can't get over her love for Lucius Malfoy. She never will.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Hate You, I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys, just letting you know that there might be a sequel to this. Tell me your suggestions in the comments below, and request whatever you want! I will write practically anything.

_I hate you, I love you,_  
_I hate that I love you_  
_Don't want to, but I can't put_  
_Nobody else above you_

It was nearing midnight as she sat on her bed in her dark bedroom, staring into the mirror sullenly, a single, crystal-like tear falling down her pale, porcelain cheeks. It had been so obvious that he had used her to get to Narcissa, to break her heart and leave her unloved.

"I hate you!" Bellatrix's messy dark curls swung around fiercely as she threw her hairbrush at the mirror. It smashed into the mirror, and the mirror cracked, shards of glass falling onto the old persian carpet. 7 years of bad luck? Well, she didn't believe in that rubbish.

But she had believed that Lucius could be trusted, but he had ruined it by stabbing her in the back and asking Narcissa to be his girlfriend. After all she had done for him, he obviously didn't care.

Her chest seized up, and she doubled over, sobbing silently. She was screaming at herself internally, to stop mourning something that wasn't worth it, and to stop being so possessive, but she couldn't. They had put so much effort into trying to stay together, and in the end, their family tore them apart.

Bellatrix knew why Lucius had chosen Narcissa. Her sister was simply beautiful, with natural platinum blonde hair, icy blue eyes and she was a manipulative little thing. They were complete opposites, everyone had remarked, and that was true. She was an aggressive, insolent and careless, where Narcissa was polite, a role model and caring. Even Andromeda was better than her, although she was in love with a muggleborn.

Lucius had been all she had wanted, all she had needed. He was the only one who understood her, the only one who knew what she meant before she had even said it. He had trusted her too, with everything she wanted to know. But eventually, he had won, and crushed her heart so that it was unrecognisable. She didn't want to say it, but she knew that secretly, she had loved him, even after Lucius had left her.

There had always been a voice at the back of her head, her subconscious. And it was hard to tell whether the voice was lying or not.

" _You love him, don't you, Bella? Knowing that you can't deny your feelings for him, yet you still try_..."

"Stop it!" Bellatrix clasped her hands over her ears and screamed, trying to drown out the voice. "I don't want to listen to the shit that you say!"

" _I'm only telling the truth, Bella. You just don't want to listen_."

"SHUT UP! Just shut up! You're lying!" the tears poured down her cheeks as her face drained of all its colour. Her heart was pounding rapidly, and she knew that she couldn't take it any longer.

Her subconscious was relentless, and kept taunting her mercilessly, whispering in her ear.

" _I know how badly you need him, and how you'll never match up to who Narcissa is. She's going to marry him, and they'll have a son, a lovely, pureblood heir that looks just like his father_."

The voice had made its point, and Bellatrix screamed ferally, her throat starting to grow hoarse. It was getting harder for her to breathe, and she gasped she felt her chest constrict so that it was painful to even inhale.

The end. Those words had flashed through her mind as she had been arguing with the voice. "Stop thinking about him, Bella!" she hissed at herself, to no avail. She couldn't deny him, or hate him. She could only love him, mourn him, and let her heart break every time she saw him with Narcissa.

"I love you, but I hate you." she sobbed, tears cascading down her cheeks. "Why did you have to make everything so hard for me? For us?"

 _I hate you, I love you_  
_I hate that I want you_  
_You want her, you need her_  
_And I'll never be her_

"I'll never be perfect. And you want perfection."

The ancient clock on her wall chimed. It was midnight.

"I hate you so much, Lucius! I fucking hate you..." she trailed off, bewildered, as a pained expression drifted over her face and she began sobbing convulsively. It had began to rain outside her window, the raindrops splattering against her window forcefully, and making her feel even worse.

" _Denial only makes it worse, Bellatrix_."

"Oh, fine then," she confessed, ashamed that she would be letting out such a dark secret. "I love him, I love him, but I hate him!"

In Malfoy Manor, Lucius had also been contemplating about Bellatrix. And it was heart wrenching for both of them to let go of each other.

"Come on, Bella, make up your mind. Do you love him or not?" Bellatrix was pacing her room, at the same time that Lucius was pacing his. She finally came to a decision, and sat back down on her bed solemnly as she glanced at the glass shards on the floor.

They were broken, just like her.

They couldn't be healed, just like her love for Lucius.

And she hated the feeling.

"I love you."

The words escaped her lips, and hung in the air before disappearing, but she wasn't sad to see them go.

She was so broken, she had made herself numb to the world.


End file.
